if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
