My Higher Power is John Stamos
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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