I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize