i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
