my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize