just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
