Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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