i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
