I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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