you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize