Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
