If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
