I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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