yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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