I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
