Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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