it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
