I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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