All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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