sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
