That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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