im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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