I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
where does the pee come out of this thing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
