Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
