Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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