If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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