dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
my poor anus
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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