I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
