so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
