How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
smell my finger.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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