You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
