i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
