i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
