with your own penis?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
