So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
