I got chris browned last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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