i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
