Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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