I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
