Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
