I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
