just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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