Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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