I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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