Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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