Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize