i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
