What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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