I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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