lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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