I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
