i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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