even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
