Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
