I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
