His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
