Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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