Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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