new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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