im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize