You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How does it feel to date your dad?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
