time to smoke my breakfast
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
