Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this boner is exhausting
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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