I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
