do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
