Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
