dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
