he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
