I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
