So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
