I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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