you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
