I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
