Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
