so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
