Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize