she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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