I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
