oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
