he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
