The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
