I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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