Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
