It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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