i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
