East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
