Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize