I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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