He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I want a musical about memes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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