i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
