If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
