Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
