I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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