if you like me you must not know who I am
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so let's talk penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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