Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
