Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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