So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
