i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
