so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
