We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
