My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
