Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize