I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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