My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
