3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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