So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
