You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
