so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You have to summon your inner elephant
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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