You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You ruined the universe
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
