like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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